A visit by a friend is the highlight of the week

First, coffee is brewed – weak coffee, of course. Marita Kivinen, 76, and Pirjo Hietikko, 67, both prefer weak, tea-coloured coffee. They do not really disagree on anything else either. Although the two have been close for about ten years, they do not remember ever having argued.

"We are probably similar in a way that we haven't needed to argue. Even though we talk about absolutely everything," Pirjo says.

Without Marita, I wouldn’t meet many other people.

Marita and Pirjo became friends through the Red Cross's friend visitor activities when Pirjo contacted the Ilmajoki branch of the Red Cross.

"I told them that I needed a friend. It didn’t take long before I got a call back saying that there was this lady called Marita. So I said fantastic, we already know each other!"

By chance, Marita had previously worked as a home assistant for Pirjo a few hours a week.

"Though we didn’t have much time to chat back then. As a home assistant, my time was spent on household chores. I cleaned and baked, but we were already acquainted," Marita recalls.

I also get a lot out of this. Every time I leave Pirjo's cottage, I'm in a better mood.

Being a volunteer friend with the Red Cross is neither work nor a duty for Marita, but a genuine, reciprocal friendship.

"I also get a lot out of this. Every time I leave Pirjo's cottage, I'm in a better mood. Pirjo is so positive that it’s contagious!"

Pirjo, for her part, describes Marita's visits as the salvation of her weeks.

"Without Marita, I wouldn’t meet many other people. My mobility is poor, and I don’t really go anywhere. But I do take walks with the help of my walker, and sometimes Marita and I visit my husband Olli’s grave at the cemetery."

Between women

Marita and Pirjo's banter is fun to watch. Amid the conversation, bursts of laughter can be heard as the friends occasionally rib each other in a good-natured way. They dare to make each other "shout", as they say in Southern Ostrobothnia. It’s a sign of trust.

"I can talk to Marita about everything. There are no secrets between us," Pirjo says.

When the friends start chatting at the coffee table, the men are expected to leave. When they meet at Marita's home, her husband Kari leaves the women to themselves. Pirjo's husband Olli also had a habit of giving the women peace to talk.

Spending time together feels important for both women.

"Although at first, I thought Marita would get annoyed with me for talking so much," Pirjo says.

Marita assures Pirjo she'll let her know if that happens.

"We are both talkative, as we should be," she remarks.

Pirjo adds that the most important quality of a friend is the ability to listen. 

"In that, Marita is unparalleled."

Many balls in the air

Marita has been a volunteer friend for a long time. Currently, she has two friends through the Red Cross whom she visits regularly. Marita's volunteer repertoire is impressive in many other ways as well: in addition to the Red Cross, she is involved in the activities of the Finnish Pensioners' Federation, the Heart Association and the Ilmajoki Music Festival. On top of everything, Marita has recently been standing in for other employees at her former workplace, the Ilmajoki Activity Centre, which organises rehabilitative work and day activities.

"Put it this way: our home doesn’t get used much by me," Marita laughs.

When asked how she manages to be involved in friend visitor activities despite her already busy life, Marita pauses for a moment to think.

"I'm not religious in any way, but somehow I feel that this role has been given to me. I like people's company and I want to help."

Plenty to talk about

Sometimes, Pirjo and Marita reminisce about the past. Both have had long and varied careers. Marita worked in the textile industry and with people with developmental disabilities. Pirjo's first job as a young girl was at an abattoir.

"I still remember holding onto a pig's hind legs when it was being slaughtered. I've had to do all sorts of things!"

Pirjo's career was interrupted soon after she turned forty. She has several long-term illnesses that affect her mobility and endurance. However, despite the setbacks, Pirjo's outlook on life is sunny. She shows the photographs that line the walls of her kitchen. Two children, four grandchildren and one great-grandchild are on her mind every day. Pirjo sees them regularly, though she could see them more often. One of the grandchildren plays ice hockey.

"Remember when you went to Ilmajoki Hall to watch their game?" Marita asks. And, of course, Pirjo remembers.

Marita has given me so much.

Marita herself has one child and two grandchildren. The next generation always gives the friends plenty to talk about.

At the moment, laughter is filling the kitchen. It hasn’t always been the case, but the friends have stuck together even during darker times.

"When Olli passed away, Marita was a huge help to me. We talked a lot, and Marita gave me a wonderful book where I could write down my thoughts. Marita has given me so much," Pirjo says.

Text: Kirsi Haapamatti

The article was first published in Punainen Risti magazine issue 1/2025.