Helping others helped with loneliness

Simba jumps lightly from the climbing tree to the kitchen table. Noora Räsänen, 22, gently scolds her lively cat. Just over three years ago, Simba was still a small kitten and Noora had just moved with the cat to her new study town, Kemi. Simba brought company, but at the same time, the kitten kept her tied to home.

After the first wave of the pandemic, the small town of Kemi, with a population of around twenty thousand, didn’t offer the lively student life that the student of social services had dreamed of.

Once I did something about my loneliness, it started to unravel.

"I had just gone through a breakup and wasn’t very familiar with my new classmates. There was no one to spend time or just be around with. Having to be alone made me feel somehow insignificant," she recalls.

In the spring, the second wave of the pandemic hit and face-to-face classes ended. The new friends she had made in town moved back to Oulu, a hundred kilometres away.

A tip from the boyfriend

Noora had filled out the YTHS survey for new students in the autumn. Based on the survey, the nurse requested a chat with Noora. She had noticed that Noora was feeling lonely. The nurse recommended that Noora participate in the Red Cross friend visitor activities. 

Noora's new boyfriend, who was volunteering with the Red Cross, gave her the same recommendation.

Noora decided to sign up as a volunteer friend, as she felt it was a more suitable role for her. She wanted to help and support others who were in the same situation as she was.

"I went through the basic training and got to know the activities in Kemi, but in this town it wasn’t young people looking for friends, but mainly older adults."

Noora decided to specialise in online friend activities, where she would more likely meet people her age and younger. In online friend activities, friends communicate on a designated platform, such as via email, Telegram or Discord.

Noora waited for four months for someone seeking a friend.

"At first, I didn't have any friends through the service. But a little later, I started getting asked if I would like to take on one more new friend."

Little things in common

As an online friend, Noora receives information about the friend seeker’s age, gender and home region. At first, she aims to give the other person plenty of space to talk about themselves. Sometimes, the conversation doesn’t progress beyond the beginning if they don’t find common interests, for example.

On the other hand, if they discover even the smallest of things in common, the conversation can take off quickly. With one online friend, Noora shared an interest in anime series and common computer games. There was also plenty to talk about regarding Simba the cat.

"The most memorable moment has been when one of my friends told me that they were struggling. I felt like I didn’t know what to say, but after the conversation, the friend thanked me, saying they felt better."

You do not have to share your real name with an online friend unless you want to. On the other hand, some of the friends who have met online also end up meeting in person once the friendship has deepened enough. Noora hasn’t met her online friends in person, but volunteering still helped her through a difficult period.

In spring 2024, Noora moved to Oulu, where she found new friends. However, she still continues her friend visitor activities as a hobby alongside her studies, as helping others feels good. 

Online friendships last as long as they do

Overall, Noora has had seven online friends. Some have drifted away over time as the conversation gradually faded or Noora has been "ghosted", meaning the other person simply stopped responding to messages. With some, Noora still exchanges news even after long periods of time.

I’ve also promoted the friend visitor activities to my other friends.

Currently, she has two friends, one with whom she communicates at least once every two weeks, and the other more sporadically. Noora is open with her friends about her situation: sometimes she has more time for conversation, sometimes less.

"I’ve also promoted the friend visitor activities to my other friends. You can take part as much as you have time for. I’ve actually got one friend involved in the activities."

Through serving as a friend, Noora has also met other volunteers. She does not want to burden her online friends with her own problems, but she can speak openly about her affairs to other volunteers and the activity coordinators.

Interest in helping young people

In autumn 2024, Noora and other volunteers led a Talk about Loneliness online group for 18–45-year-olds suffering from loneliness. The group covered topics such as interaction skills and discussed the causes of loneliness.

"In the future, I'd like to continue developing online activities, especially for young people," Noora says.

In Noora's opinion, it is natural for young people to be a friend with someone only online, but the choice of platform is crucial for the success of the discussions. According to her, the best option is the Discord messaging app, while other alternatives are more rigid.

The biggest challenge, however, is how young people can find the friend visitor activities – the service should be accessible in ways other than through professional help.

For Noora herself, taking part in the activities helped her because it encouraged her to speak up about her loneliness.

"Once I did something about my loneliness, it started to unravel."